He’s behind you! B-Movie extraordinaire 51.

David and I have started a new Sunday night tradition. We’re calling it Netflix Bad Movie Club. It’s fairly self explanatory but basically, we find the worst looking film in the horror section – the 1 star jobs – and commit to it. No flaking out if the script is terrible, no falling asleep or choosing some thing else – we’re in this ’til the bitter end.

I love horror movies, the good and the bad so as it’s Friday the 13th I thought I’d share what we’ve watched so far…

51
This is a proper b-movie. Terrible acting, script, effects, premise and someone you vaguely recognise from TV in the 90s. And it was directed by Sean Connery’s son. I kinda loved it.

The Dorm
Kinda like Death Becomes Her for college students. But not funny. And with no Bruce Willis. So crap. And look at that poor actress’ terrible wig. Shocking.

Preservation
It had Pornstache from OITNB in it! This was like an American version of the actually-very-good British film Eden Lake predictably done badly. Laughable but watchable. Expect the bit where they wake to find that someone has stolen their tents from around them and drawn X’s on their foreheads with markers. They should have drawn dicks. One of them is meant to be in the military FFS.

Chernobyl Diaries
I actually thought this one would be good! However, the characters were so mind-numbingly stupid you wanted them to die. “Oh my God, the nearest help point is 10 miles away, I’ll just stay here ’til it gets dark and the monsters come back” Just walk to the fucking checkpoint! It’s not that far!! I think is is no longer on Netflix. Probably just as well.

Apartment 143
I can’t even remember what happens. Nothing I think. It was either a possession or a poltergeist. The still is scarier than the film.

Grace
This was about a women whose baby died but then came back to life and needed to be fed on human blood. Somehow. I have no idea how it happened. There’s also an extremely uncomfortable side story about a mother-in-law obsessed with breast-feeding. The last 5 minutes are hilarious though. It all goes a bit Thelma and Louise.

The Quiet Ones
“Based on true events” yeah, yeah, possessed girl, scientists, you know the drill. The difference is that this one was set in the 60s and you can’t really hear the dialogue. They took the title too literally.

What horrors (in both senses) have you uncovered in the depth of Netflix? Send me some recommendations please!